lol amirite

Wednesday, 10 December 2008

NO, i am NOT flirting with you!

god, you might think it's all roses and handjobs for a handsome, young hipster buck like me (i just got some of those fake nerd glasses from topman, perfect icebreaker!)
but there are some pretty annoying downsides. like being hit on by fugly women LIKE, ALL THE FUCKEN TIME. it's a form of emotional rape, srsly. for example, i was in the local tesco metro just getting some mince beef and dolmio to make some super classy italian food (i didn't even look at which type of pasta i was buying, i just threw the bag in the trolley, they are all the same anyway, what a scam) and the girl on the till

a) said hello to me in this cheery, cheeky sort of tone of voice

b) fucken SMILED at me

and c) said "italian dinner tonight, eh?)


how dare she flirt with me! it's bad enough i feel depressed that my man davey c is down in the polls, but now this hideous pig is trying to get in my pants. this girl looked like JACK osbourne, nevermind kelly. total grotbag. at least a whole stone overweight, greasy frozen-chip complexion and one of those emo/hitler fringe hair-dos. (so 2005)

i felt like screaming at her "look at me, i'm at least an 8 (on the days i moisturise), you're like a 3 or something! avert your pudgy gaze!" but instead i stared into the distance hard and just put my card in the chip and pin thing without saying a word to her. hopefully this will give her the clear impression i only talk to hotties and that she has insulted me. next time i'm going to ask the manager if i can be served by somebody who looks like they hit the gym at least twice a week.

but on the other hand, she might think i was flirting with her by playing hard to get! i can just picture her now, talking to all her ugly fat friends with their babies even though they are only like, 19 or something, going "this fella in the shop loves me! maybe i can get him to put a baby in my tummy so i can get some o dat tax payer cash!"


next time i'm just slapping her.


1 comment:

Ryan said...

fucking cracked me up!