lol amirite

Sunday, 28 December 2008

buzz update: fleet foxes

Fleet Foxes is a five-piece Seattle based band signed to the labels Sub Pop and Bella Union. The Fleet Foxes' first release was a self-titled EP in 2006. The band came to prominence in 2008 with the release of a second EP, Sun Giant, and their debut full length album Fleet Foxes. Both Sun Giant and their eponymous debut album received much critical praise and reviewers often noted their use of refined lyrics and vocal harmonies. The quintet describe their music as "baroque harmonic pop jams".

Sunday, 21 December 2008

the older generation

wtf is it with old people bitching about the younger generation? they can't use the internet or mobile phones, they have reactionary political views, they can't adapt to change... why don't they stfu for once? they go on about the old days, talk about the 80s or whatever as if it was better than now, even though they never had torrents or x-box or subway or anything that actually makes life worth living.

i agree we do have problems now like the broken economy, violent chavs, stuck up girls who won't give you the time of day (and get a bigger thrill from denying men sex than actually having it) even i look back wistfully to when i started uni in 2003 and i'd wasted all the time and party with my bros, but then i remember i am basically doing the same shit now.

no matter how many times the older generation try to oppress us and tell us we're no good, we know in our hearts that we are the new generation bustin' through, breaking down the barriers, exploring cyberspace and creating a new, totally awesome future.

fuck old people, imo.


Tuesday, 16 December 2008

gayness is so 90s

i can't believe the gays are still making a big deal out of the fact they like one up the wrong 'un. nobody gives a shit anymore, guys! sure, back in the day you had dudes like julian clary, dale winton, alan cumming and eddie izzard all blasting the fuck out of pre-conceptions and social mores. these dudes were kicking the doors off the closet and showing the world that you could be down for some man-love and still rock a righteous 'tude.

but nowadays? gayness is over, it's boring, we accept it, nobody thinks it's gross anymore. even old conservative people love paul 'o grady and graham norton. so stop going on about all this shit like it's a big deal. even ultra-mainstream trends like emo and tweecore have gayness as one of their central elements now.

you know what i think is making a comeback, tho? STRAIGHTNESS. jus' being a normal bro who loves pussy pie, the footy, looking at some fit birds and chugging a few brews with his friends, no freaky sex or men wearing make-up involved at all. if that's not super-cool, i don't know what is!


Wednesday, 10 December 2008

NO, i am NOT flirting with you!

god, you might think it's all roses and handjobs for a handsome, young hipster buck like me (i just got some of those fake nerd glasses from topman, perfect icebreaker!)
but there are some pretty annoying downsides. like being hit on by fugly women LIKE, ALL THE FUCKEN TIME. it's a form of emotional rape, srsly. for example, i was in the local tesco metro just getting some mince beef and dolmio to make some super classy italian food (i didn't even look at which type of pasta i was buying, i just threw the bag in the trolley, they are all the same anyway, what a scam) and the girl on the till

a) said hello to me in this cheery, cheeky sort of tone of voice

b) fucken SMILED at me

and c) said "italian dinner tonight, eh?)


how dare she flirt with me! it's bad enough i feel depressed that my man davey c is down in the polls, but now this hideous pig is trying to get in my pants. this girl looked like JACK osbourne, nevermind kelly. total grotbag. at least a whole stone overweight, greasy frozen-chip complexion and one of those emo/hitler fringe hair-dos. (so 2005)

i felt like screaming at her "look at me, i'm at least an 8 (on the days i moisturise), you're like a 3 or something! avert your pudgy gaze!" but instead i stared into the distance hard and just put my card in the chip and pin thing without saying a word to her. hopefully this will give her the clear impression i only talk to hotties and that she has insulted me. next time i'm going to ask the manager if i can be served by somebody who looks like they hit the gym at least twice a week.

but on the other hand, she might think i was flirting with her by playing hard to get! i can just picture her now, talking to all her ugly fat friends with their babies even though they are only like, 19 or something, going "this fella in the shop loves me! maybe i can get him to put a baby in my tummy so i can get some o dat tax payer cash!"


next time i'm just slapping her.


Monday, 8 December 2008

t shirts coming soon, guys...

just working on some t-shirts to spread the buzz, should be available soon...

a hipster must-have, i'm sure you will agree.

watch this space

pasta shapes

what the fuck is the deal with all the different types of pasta? (spagetti, ravioli, lingini,mozzarella, etc...)they all taste the same, they're just different shapes. surely it's the sauce and the meat that give these dishes the flavour, the shape is totally irrelevent, ffs!

seems like a bit of a con to me!


hip hop is... uncool?

sorry, just not feeling hip hop anymore. it's become way too commercialised and dumbed down. it's all "money, bitches, hos, nigga this, nigga that..." AD NAUSEUM.

don't get me wrong, i love classic old school groups like public enemy who were really saying something, but all this gangsta stuff is a betrayal of hip hop's true roots in graffitti, breaking, scratching, rapping and all that sort of stuff. rap is just an industry now, it has lost it's soul. i first realised this when i saw the so called "mc" soulja boy, a one man nadir of everything that is wrong with rap music and our degraded culture which embraces talentless frauds like him.

there are a few REAL mc's out there, guys like EL-P, aesop rock, ICP, cage, necro, scroobius pip, non phixion etc... that show us what hip hop can be when released from the commercial gangsta format strangling the genre these days. but these guys are few and far between.

RIP hip hop

1992 - 2008

Sunday, 7 December 2008

buzz buzz buzz

generating a buzz at hipster music forum ilx right about now:

wassup, guys?

"a religion of peace"

ok guys, been thinking about this a lot recently with all the crazyness in the middle east and whatnot. gonna get serious here for a minute. i've got to say this, and maybe it's not "pc"... but if muslims are "a religion of peace" as i keep hearing, then why are they having wars in iraq and afghanistan, then? seems a bit odd to me, although i'm sure there are lots of muslims who just wanna kick back with all their wives and smoke one of those massive pipe things or whatever they do. i mean they have so much oil over there they don't have to work, so they are basically on welfare. don't see why they gotta be so radge all the time.

think these guys need to turn it down a notch with all the violence and stuff, for real.


Saturday, 6 December 2008

plaid shirts

if you are a true hipster, you will have to bewearing plaid shirts on the reg (cardigans are so 2007)

here are some nice ones from topman:

hog heaven

man, i'm really not into fat chicks, i have to say. there's a couple of girls on the heavy side (scarlett johannson for instance) that i might smash after a few magners but generally i'm not feeling those vibes. one thing that's always puzzled me is porn with fat girls in it. the whole idea of porn is that it's a poor man's substitute for actually getting your bone on, right? but the thing with fat chicks is that they're all gagging for it! any scrub can get with a whopper, piece of cake. tubbies are the tesco value range of bitches, obvs. so, if you are a bit of a chubby chaser yourself, quit whacking and get stacking! my local yates' is filled with chunky flange on the reg, all desperate for evern just a few inches of cock. there are two reasons for this:

a) 99% of dudes (who, are y'know, NORMAL) wouldn't slam a fatty in a million years, the idea is gross to us, so most pudgesters are cyring out for a poke, they ain't had it for aaaages.

b) fat girls just love more of EVERYTHING, pies , cakes, chocolate and of course... penis! "gobblegoobblebeeelch! more cocks, more cocks! slobber! drool!"

in a strange way, i kind of feel jealous of these weirdos, tbh. they know they can go out any night and take home a bed-bustin porker to pound all night. while the rest of us struggle with women who can actually pick and choose which kind of guys they wanna get jiggy with.

chubby chasers are so spoiled for choice, they truly are in HOG HEAVEN.

Friday, 5 December 2008

hey guys. i'm max r, regular all round hipster genius and cool guy. (sorry to blow my own trumpet, lol) here to kick some knowledge with y'all, tell you what's slammin and what's crammin. otherwise, you wouldn't know, right?

so anyways i'm gonna be droppin some hella CHALLENGING OPINONS in the next few days, so hold on, it's gonna be a wild ride, muddafuggas!


peace out, max r.